The relationship dynamic

If you follow me on twitter, you will have seen my little breakdown in the week. I've been unhappy in my PhD for a white now and it all came to end after a terrible meeting and resulted in me crying in reception to the admin staff (not my proudest moment). I have since had a meeting with my supervisor and we have addressed the majority of the issues that were upsetting me, mainly my feeling like a failure as I wasn't progressing fast enough, and while I had a context and an idea, I had no theoretical underpinning, which is essential in a PhD. Then my inability to manage my time properly between my teaching, my modules and my PhD work, my PhD work was taking the hit. The pressure and expectations put on PhD students is incredible, and sometimes the support systems aren't in place enough to help you through (this is in relation to my teaching).

So now we have worked out a timetable so that I don't have to feel like I'm prioritizing other things over my PhD. However in thinking today, I have realized there is another factor that I hadn't previously considered, which is effecting my PhD.....my relationship.

I have been with my boyfriend for 18 months. We live about 80 miles apart and normally spend most weekends together. Usually my boyfriend comes to Bath but since December he has only been up once, the rest of the time I have had to go to him. If I go 'home' that normally means more than the two days.

The  two days I spend with my boyfriend every weekend, are actually two days away from my PhD, time I could actually be spending on my own work. Yet I choose to make my boyfriend and my relationship the priority, over my career, something my boyfriend definitely doesn't do for me. His career is always at the forefront of his decisions and effects everything he does. He won't move closer to me because it doesn't  benefit his career, yet I can't do my PhD anywhere else so have to stay in Bath . I am not saying my bf is an arsehole, he isn't, this is about me and what i see as priorities in my life, before we think i am boyfriend bashing (i am not) and get on the boyfriend bashing bandwagon.

Why am I putting my focus on something and someone that might not last as long as my PhD? My career is important (to me) and I have dedicated the next 4 years to it, and it is going to be tough and are hard and sacrifices will need to be made, I'm just starting to wonder if one of those sacrifices will be my relationship.

Why does one person take priority over another in relationship? Is this something you have found in your relationships? For me something has to give, before one of them is the metaphorical straw that broke the camels back, but what will be the thing that gives? In my mind previously, before this realization, my relationship was the non-negotiable in my life , but maybe it needs to be the negotiable, it is the one thing i have the most control over, the one thing i am able to change. Maybe instead of seeing my bf every weekend, we will have to see less of each other, which will suck, as i need support through this and it is easy to feel very alone in this process, you also do need a break from working, before you drive yourself crazy, but maybe i need to make myself and what i want the priority.