Why I’m not going to my school reunion
18 Jun 2015
So the inevitable has happened, an invitation to my school
reunion has landed on my door mat (not literally, but facebook doesn’t really
have a door mat). And I’m not going. Because of how I look.
…..
Yeah I really did say that, and before you close the page,
thinking well she is a fraud, hear me out.
When I left school in 2003 I was 11 stone and a size 14/16……12
years later I’m nearer 19 stone and a size 22. Back then I counted calories
like a crazy woman, exercised for hours a day all because I could pinch an
inch. I was unhappy in my own skin and thought that being slim was the only way
I could be happy.
Now in my extra-large body, I am comfortable in my own skin
and 99% of the time I will rock it, rolls and all, in some fabulous dresses.
Going to my school reunion might rob me of this.
A few years ago I attended the funeral of a family friend,
who also worked at the school, some the teachers attended. I went to say hello
to my head of year after the ceremony as I hadn’t seen her in years. Her
reaction to me was not what I expected, the first word out of her mouth where ‘my
you’ve gotten big’ and the look of shock and surprise on her face lasted only a
second, and was replaced with an awkward laugh but it hurt. Even now I wince a
bit at the thought of it. Not because I am ashamed of my body, but because how
that is how others see and judge me.
I do not want to attend an event where my success as a human
being is based on how I look, not the fact I have two degrees and started a
PhD, I have a good job, or that I’m
actually a decent person.
As a woman my worth in society is valued only if I look the
part, which I do not. I do not want the pity looks or people’s sympathy because
they think I let myself go and that my life must be sad. No one was yet put a
ring on it - 'because I’m fat' - my uterus lay barren - 'because I’m too fat to get
someone to have sex with me - however I have mastered of the womanly virtue of
baking, I literally ate all the pies. These are not thoughts, or verbalisations i want in my life.
It’s a form of self-care, self-love even, my confidence and
contentment with my life does not need others to validate it, or cast
dispersions on it. So on that evening, I will be at home, probably
eating a cake.
Becky x
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New Look Strappy Top
17 Jun 2015
Jeans - Evans
Top - New Look Inspire
I have a confession to make, this self confessed dress-o-holic has been wearing jeans, at least once a week! I know it is shocking, shall i give you a minute to get over that? i guess my style is evolving again slightly and dresses aren't always practical. I raved about the jeans here, and it still stands, i'm actually looking to get a black pair.
I love these strap detail tops but i've never really seen them in plus size and it is just something i accepted i would probably never get. Browsing New Look one day, doing my weekly stock take, i stumbled upon this top and it was straight in my basket, I love it, i'm wearing a 24 as the material doesn't have much give, i was a bit worried about the length as my body is so short but with the side splits, it actually looks good. You can also rock it with leggings just as well.
Becky x
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Elizabeth Arden Matte lipstick in Raspberry
15 Jun 2015
I remember seeing a review for these lipsticks and thinking i really need one of these, it was the semi matte description that peaked my interest. MAC are all about the mattes at the moment, my lips however can be a bit dry, meaning matte isn't always my best friend, but i love the longevity of them. So i purchased Elizabeth Arden Beautiful Color Moisturizing Matte Lipstick in Raspberry, as we all know i'm a pink/fuchsialicious shades.
Now normally when putting on a matte finish you can suffer a bit of drag, this is where the moisturising element comes in, it contains mango, shea and murumuru butters (no that's not a typo) and they do a good job, my lips don't feel dry and this doesn't settle in the lines as much, i would say it was more of a satin finish. This shade can last a whole work day on me which is impressive. The packaging is also super cute, i like the square gold bullet. This is my first Elizabeth Adren lipstick, it is a brand that i feel is maybe a little old for me, but this lipstick is helping to change my mind.
Becky x
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Too faced melted fuchsia
8 Jun 2015
A lipstick that isn't in the traditional bullet form? is it any good? can it compete with its counterparts?
“Intensely saturated lip colour with a precise tip applicator.” Too Faced says it has “the shine of a gloss, lasting power of a stain, and pigment-packed color of a liquid lipstick.” Melted Fushsia is is described as a “hot pink” and it really is quite bright. It has blue undertones (my favourite kind of pink), the applicator gives good precision going on, the formula is quite wet and takes a while to set although they will transfer onto things. The finish is satin, which i actually like, i'm not a fan of super gloss lips. Wear time in the big seller here, this easily lasts 6-8 hours on me, which is pretty impressive, it also doesn't tend to wear off in the middle leaving a lip liner look.
Too Faced are launching a new collection of metallic melted lipstick and i think i might have to get one or two.
Becky x
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