Ghosting in Dating - how to deal with it

So i’ve just been ghosted.

It’s not the first time and I’m sure it won’t be the last time, but I wanted to share with you how this felt and how I dealt with it.

If you are unsure what ghosting is:

We’d been chatting for about 6 weeks, everything was going well, we were planning on taking things into real life. This was someone I had opened up to about a lot of my inner most thoughts, insecurities, hopes and dreams and they shared theirs. I rarely actually like people, I can count on my hand the amount of people I’ve thought could be more since I’ve been single. So he was kind of a big deal. 

So, when silence fell, I was left confused and hurt, what had I done? You go through the last messages with a fine-tooth comb looking for the clues and you find nothing. And I think the thing that sucks the most is you will never know.

In your mind, you are going through 100 different scenarios, hoping they had a reason for not replying, they were busy, didn't have their phone, it was just a mistake, but as the hours turn into days, you realise what has happened and then you start to blame yourself, did you come on too strong, were you too eager? Is it because of how i look? - really meaning, is it because i'm fat? Was it because i talked about my mental health? Am i just not capable of connecting with people? Bottom line: Is there something wrong with me? And it is very hard to silence these voices as you thought everything was going well, you were starting to get excited, telling your friends about this person and thinking about the potential this relationship had and now it is all gone in a very cruel way, with no explanation of why it has gone. 

WhatsApp causes so much pain in this situation, the two little blue ticks, the last online, even worse, knowing they have been online and just haven’t read your message. Heart wrenching.

My first instinct was a send more messages, wanting to force a response. But I decided that the ghosting was bad enough, losing my dignity as well would hurt even more. And even if I sent an angry message (because after a few days, I was angry) saying how he was a dick and should have manned up enough to tell me he didn’t want to talk to me anymore, it would have gone on deaf ears, never getting those two much coveted blue ticks, would have caused even more pain and anger and I still wouldn’t have got any closure on the situation, he would have still had the power. And even if I did get a reply, did I really want to hear it now? Did I think he would come running back and say that he had made a mistake? And do you know what, even if he did, i no longer wanted him. The trust was gone. 

It took me about 5 days to come to this conclusion, but it is a good place to end up in. Did I really want to be with someone who thought ghosting was an acceptable way to treat someone? Who clearly didn’t even value me enough to think I deserved the truth? No, I deserve someone so much better than that, and I have probably saved myself more hurt and heartache from investing in someone who behaves this way.

So how do you deal with it? Block and delete my friends. Temptation will be your enemy and you must thwart it! I knew that I had to remove the temptation to message him, check when he was last online, if he had finally opened my last message, I would have driven myself insane. Instead I just blocked him on whatsapp, deleted the conversation and then deleted his number from my phone. Does that mean I’ve stopped thinking about it? Hell no, if that was the case I probably wouldn’t be writing a bitter blog post about it. But I feel a bit more in control as I know he can never get in touch with me again (not that he wants to). Yes it has knocked my confidence. I still want answers that i'll never get, but i'm not letting his behaviour devalue my self worth; it really is his loss. 

Some take a ways:

• Ghosting is an utter shit thing to do
• If it happens to you, know you are worth more than what that person could have ever offered you
• If you are thinking of ghosting someone, grow a pair and just tell them, the truth goes a long way and means a lot, even if it is hard to hear
• If you are now reading this, thinking you've behaved in this way, don't bother texting, it's too late

*Now fights the urge to send him the link to this post

Becky x
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